I have low self-esteem. I mean REALLY low. Not only am I over 100 lbs overweight, but I'm 6-freakin'-feet-tall. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being tall, but I kind of stick out like a sore thumb. Especially when my darling husband is only 5'8".
I HATE taking pictures. I don't think I'm very photogenic at all.
Case in Point.
The picture on my profile is one of the ONLY pictures of myself that I actually like - it's from 2003 - right after my father-in-law's funeral. I've gained probably about 30 lbs since then.
And my poor legs - after spending all last summer outside with the mosquitos, my poor little legs are ALL scarred. When I'm itchy, I just can't help but scratch. I'm weak. I'm SO insecure about it. I've had people ask about it and I get really embarassed and just say that I had really bad chicken pox when I was little.
I got this Covermark Leg Magic Kit with a gift certificate that I got for my birthday, but both "light" colors that it came with are too dark for my pale pale legs. It comes off as looking splotchy. They have some "very light" that I want to try when I get some money.
With all that in mind, I wonder what I'll look like when I'm thin. When I'm feeling REALLY insecure, I don't think it'll be different at all. I'll still sweat like a freakin pig (which is an ironic saying, since pigs DON'T sweat) and I'll still have these damn scars on my stupid legs.
I know it shouldn't matter - especially since I don't have to impress anyone. James loves me no matter what - and he thinks I'm beautiful NOW. I can't help but feel like a fat ugly cow tho.
Gah - I don't know where all that came from. I was feeling fine up until I started writing.
No more bitching - I'm off to my eye appointment. Hopefully I can get contacts, or atleast switch these stupid Transition lenses out!
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2 comments:
I have a favorite quote and when I'm feeling exceptionally down on myself..I try to remember it...
"The happiness of your life is detemined by the quality of your thoughts." author unknown
The only way you'll ever be ugly is if you think you are...stop thinking it..it's not true. ~M
I think we all have moods where we feel down on ourselves like this, but it really doesn't do any good. You should just know that you are a beautiful person, you have a husband who loves and accepts you, and a semi-anonymous also-overweight blogger on this side of the blogworld who thinks that you have a great sense of style (I looked at some more of your hubby's pics) and also knows that, spots or not, you have some seriously long, nice legs that are only going to get hotter! You're so cute!!
Anyway, I'm glad to see from the next post you're feeling better.
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